Am a Kikuyu and I stole this note! Read on…
Where Kikuyus are…… there must be a problem….. and a solution in the making…….. Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said ‘I have to talk to you.
We have some Kikuyus up here and are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Savco jeans instead of their white robes, they’re riding pick up trucks instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discount prices. Furthermore, they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway hawking their wings!
They have sub-let their mansions and are now living in the SQs. They are even attempting “atiriri” talk over here! I found some attempting to fit a carrier on the chariot for carrying “thaara wa n’gombe “(Napier grass for their cows) on their way from visits! They are even using mpesa to send money to andu aitu (our relatives) in hell.
The Lord said, ‘Kikuyus are Kikuyus. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil.’ The Devil answered the phone, ‘Hello? Hold on a minute.’ The Devil returned to the phone, ‘OK I’m back. What can I do for you?’ Gabriel replied, ‘I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.’ The Devil said, ‘Hold on again. I need to check on something.’ After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, Im back.. Now what was the question?’ Gabriel said, ‘What kind of problems are you having down there?’ The Devil said, ‘Man I don’t believe this…….Hold on.’ in the background you can hear “ngai!!!” This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes.. The Devil returned and said, ‘I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. Those Kikuyus have put out the fire and are selling me a match box if I want to light the fire again!
Inqristalwords 
hahahaha…omeee
era
Lol…funny one here. Even devel ameshindwa kukaa na wao. Mugikuyu ni mugikuyu.
Love it anyway
mugikuyu means mugi……….cleaver,giku………..an animal.
hii ni kutuonea.you are seeing for us
:)…:)….:) I know you were smiling ukiandika hii…Amen?
haiyaaaaeee!!!!!!ghai fafa……watapoteza key ya heavens gate na watake wauzie sinners huko hell pia
Kali sana hio bwana!
Soon they will rob sadaka at synagog, na wavune matunda yote ya Aden
woiyeeeeeee kwea kwea mnamuonea sana
Crazy hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa down i fall.
andu a gikuyu na mumbı tumenagwo tuhu nı kıyo gıtı.
On no My ribs, Ha ha ha ha hiyo noma
lol…typical kikuyu hata atajiuza
Ni jasho yetu manze
hahahaha………. think they will also parts of chariots n uproot the gates wauze as scrap.
HEHEHEHE dont hate us, we like to run tingz..lolest
ahahahahahaha..aki mnatuonea..hata devo anauziwa nare na kikuyus?…lol
my ribs are aching,someone should read this to the guy in state house coz am sure this will make him laugh even tho he doesnt do it often
Mata kiendetie gold na gukomborithia nyumba ciao
kwani?…..people don’t realise that this tribe is tribeless,timeless and all!!….
They should be hired to put off the fire in hell. Really funny.
Hehehe…..crazy tribe there
Hahahaha……………………. this has made my ribs ache. Kali Sana.
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hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!Those Kikuyus have put out the fire and are selling me a match box if I want to light the fire again! oh my God, wacha tu
its just that they are so business minded and they work so hard to realise their dreams before you used to sa PESA NI YA MUHINDI when the indians worked as hard which they still do.
Proud to be one!
fyn one
Loolest….. kari xana..!!?
Kikuyus the only tribe that knows how to make money regardless of the situation noma sana.
Hahaha
Niwaganwo!
This means Mkikuyu ajielewa. He thinks widely! Am proud to be akikuyu
kama wamefika huko sasa wataisha,juu wataitana wote
Unataka mahali ya kUKA….COME TO MY PLOT IN kAYOLE
Hyi me n kikuyus wao.we r great pround 2 be one.
Hahaahahaaha!!
kiuks wana cause fracas hadi hell! so hata devil anawaogopa!… sina mbavu jamani….he heeee!!
kikuyus have made it to heaven andis like they have taken control of every available opportunity of making ……
Ebu compare the way they develop with the way u develop,wako mbele xana
musuri sana. Ubroka na uhawker..
We must be the chosen few..if th devil is getn tempted by us..no agony,the fire is off!
Proud to be from the House of Mumbi!
wazi.ní bécà twédété.haha
safi safi.cia matuina(keys to heaven) safi ngori kwena cia ikumi cia VIP That would be the slogan
morio ni morio!!!
And the matchbox is less some matchsticks! nice one
awesome, as u can c we dont belive in wasting opportunities even though we cant speak ingrish propary
i’m not a Kikuyu but this made me laugh…. hahaha… 😀
I want to marry one kiuk bt not a nyerilet. Seems wako too ambitious!
not so funny , who doesnt behave the same ?. lol.
funniest…..lol!
baya sana
This is real cool. It’s worth the late night!
am proud to b one.we blieve in seizing opportunity n utilizing it to the maximum.
HI! Am a kyuk but this is classic, lmao. Mind you we’re and always will be da besht no matter what!!!!!!
our biggest handicap and downfall “ni uiru amongst each other” cut that out tuko capable! na turi ohau nu supplier wa ngu na makara kwa ngoma ? I will beat any legitimate offers,
Guaranteed next day delivery.
Wee, they did not spare fruit in the garden of Eden,including the forbidden one.NI NDAMAKA
Crazy Kyuks, they do business even in hell..
Hata heaven na hell? Hehehe hiyo noma kweli
I luv da sprt ov da kiuks,srvivl 4 da fitest.Ready 2 hsl evrwhere
wakonyo
Tiganai na mugikuyu nakio giake……..ecaragiria kinya ekwa
ngoma….. ona akuite guthia shillingi wone agiukira!! It is not our
fault we are born very hard working people. TIGAI GISHABIO KIU MWIIGIRIRIE. RUTAI WIRA NAKIO MWONE MASHIARO TA MA MUGIKUYU.
Gff.mbecaaa!
Tell us the behaviours of the nyeri kikuyu women both in hell and heaven uh
hau niho turi kikuyu ni lugha ya taifa ya mbinguni
Kari what!!!!…..am sooooo proud to be a real kiuk…na ndi memba!!!!
Proud to be a kiuk forever and ever. AMEN.
Im proud of my heritage.I cant change it given the chance
funny…..lol
Da funniest tales of lyf
you just killed…
its the policy anyway, kuoya kuoya mikari.
wakikuyu joh ni noma!
hilarious…kikuyus are real enterpreneurs,i respect all kiuks!
there is no right or wrong only what is and what is not…
Bidii yetu. Thats what makes them Hate us.
Infact u shld thnk dem coz there wnt b fire in hel,n no gold,scrap metals n fruits in heaven al wil b sold, its marketn strategy,devil n God wameshangaa pia
ata next time watapima key za gate ya heaven kwa scrap..tukose kuingia uko…hehehehe no nde mugikuyu karing`a .
mathagu mana ikumi ikumi!! ooohhh! tunaonewa twakua ki?
Sky is not the limit for a kikuyu, it must be beyond the sky. I bet they have started building extensions in heaven. what a human being to recon with.
Thats crazy
spirit ya wakikuyu seizing every opputunity tat comes along..
Lol……..rotfl
Hata lighter wameficha.jesu
Noma
That was very hillarious.
maundu ni matatu muoyo , mwaki kana mbecaa
Laugh mpaka u cry
I love to work and am proud to be a kiuk. Kutafuta pesa ni muhimu
wakikuyu si wata iba ile kalamu ya mungu ya kuandika watu wa kitabu cha uhai kisha waanze kumuuzia?
bwahahahaha.very very funny indeed
bwahahahaha.very very funny indeed..eeh kweli
No problem, ths is a typical picture of a heaven wth places like Kiambu n Murang’a, they evn name heaven streets after their ancestors
hehe
Eh , the Kikuyu are kind of like the Baganda we have here in Uganda , they can make business anywhere and sell anything.
Bravo!kiuks dnk widely en stragle mch.am proud 2 b a kikuyu en dnt regret it.
si kuwaonea but this guys ar the funiest….i once tried one of my very good friends to buy me samthing from campo yao at staff price…maaaan he still tried to undercut me..lol. and it was for consumption not resale
Hehehe!! thina witu no kio I proud to be a kikuyu.
Hau niho turi na tutiraguagua
Haha…kiuks r kiuks.
Wow! thats a nyce one!
Kali kweli kweli
Ngai fafa! A kikuyu laments in hell corridors holdin a ticket book . Buy tickets straight 2 my Ngai fafa at a discounted rate. Hurry my brother few ticketz remainin.
Ngai fafa!
abomination. but kaarreeeeeeeeee!!!!!! tuko juu.
Wa! That’s nyce.
Lol…
Haki kikuyuism is an entreprenuerial lifestyl. No wonder we are rich.
haaaa haa! i hear they might sublet heaven, and then go hell and try to make the place suitable.
And i guess, you being an undiluted kiuk you were obviously on first corridor lining your kadhalika’s for the very first customer to spot them.
Well, am a Kiuk and am proud of…”mbeca citikuraga miti-ini, nonginya ciethwe”. Kariki!!!
Cheers to all Kiuks.
No money no living then if you plan to add extra coin you resembles the humble man who was given 2 coins n he didn’t bury them in the sand but he went and made profit with.This is how wakyuks do…………n the rest of the people bury their coins……..
hahaaaa
So funny
I dont find anything amusing. This nonsense that Kikuyus are money perverts is very annoying. We are all beautifully and wonderfully made. Let this perception stop. A kikuyu is like any other person. Be fair
Hahahahaha thats pretty much hilarious LOL 🙂
iko juu tu xana.hahahahaha..
I am a proud Kyuk dude
i agree with fred. the joke is really funny, but everyboby must know of ethnocenticism, that is, every tribe, every homogeneous group of people always think that they are better than others, their ways and culture are superior than others. i have seen debilitating and widespread poverty among the kikuyus. it matters how someone makes his, her money. pride for being a kikuyu is okay, but lets be sure it is not misplaced pride – feeling superior than others. sometimes that is why other tribes hate the kikuyus, not necessary because they are hardworking, but their failure to recognise ethnocentism. the maasai are as proud, the luos are proud, the samburus, the kalenjin and many others are as proud. sometimes you cannot be sure whether the feeling of pride for being a kikuyu is not communicated to other people as arrogance and misplaced pride. the somalis have travelled all over the world doing business, are hardworking and have far superior international networks than many tribes. the dynamics of time are actually not very favourable to the kikuyus. the 1900s, 1950s 1960s and 1970s were favourable for the kikuyus, but read the signs of the time. today more than half of the kikuyus are very poor, i have seen villages devastated by jiggers, education, as important as it is today,the kikuyus are behind. having penny businesses, hawking sweets, mass unemployment, being hustlers – please let us be carefull, think global and act local like Wangari Mathai
SO BORING
Kenyatta spoiled the Agi-kuyu in that he said…and I quote. “I have held the horns of the cow. Yours is to milk it dry!”. So they became money oriented and I like that coz this is a capitalist system and the hard working ones (whether thieves or not) deserve the best! However now that we no longer need a Kikuyu leader in Kenya, the odds might just change. “True story!”
though that part is fun and entertaining i find it attacking the reputation that most the kikuyus enjoy in the socety. they percieved as thieves while i guess nobody hates many even youi suppose. stop pointing at kikuyus for the wrong reasons
Simply no comments but I think wr are blessed.you stole this note?Funny thief.like it anyway.
Pride comes before a mighty fall.