C/O A forwarded Email..

I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to.

I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You don’t want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked “why are you late? I said “ makaa was poured with water at night” teacher asked “ what has that to do with you coming to school late” I told him “ the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong’ he said that is no excuse!!

Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said “ you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said,”

You removing tears for who!! I don’t want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and don’t late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying.

When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!.

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  1. Wilikusa pedrosa neymar says:

    Hehehehehe intelligence dificiency disorder

  2. Muhammad sharriff says:


  3. Mesh oketch says:

    Nyakemicha lolest!


  5. lundu says:

    hahahahahah kare

  6. levi serem says:

    this is amazing….crazy kenyans..hahahahaha

  7. Jeff bondi says:

    Gud one

  8. huyo mtoto anahitaji maombi

  9. hassan lutta says:

    hii ni kalii jamaaaaaa.

  10. Nancie munyua says:



    I av gön thro. 1 comp n ts fab. congrats

  12. Esther Idza says:

    Reblogged this on Esther's notebook and commented:
    Lol. This is just too funny

  13. simon maina kariuki says:

    big tings for the writer. 40/40

  14. Beatrice says:

    A clear reflection of the realities many Kenyan youngsters go through. If circumstances changed, this guy has potential to be the next Ngugi wa Thiong’o

  15. Kate says:

    Hahaha,is ts real?nway huyo mtoi hasiloose ope

  16. Brenda says:

    i luv this..its so interesting!

  17. Williesred koech chang's says:

    We must do something to help this kid!

  18. vincent mbindyo says:

    The English teacher needs a commendation letter!

  19. nelly says:

    ope uyo mtoi yuko klas 3

  20. Carla dumelo mir says:

    Thats why they r the owners of the tail. All in all, L.O.L

  21. Benard dete says:

    Diz’s jst hilarious,Nyakemincha-Kisiis Cant Pass Exams(KCPE) Lol!

  22. Paul olando. says:

    This is funny.

  23. henry says:


  24. FRANKKENYAN says:

    You nailed that one!….thats an entire 02/40….(could have been 01,but the nyahunyo pain gived you a muuro)

  25. Muchui says:

    locally modified english,he hee!

  26. Martine says:

    Nyakemicha iko yu; raundi hii watakuwa top 10 country wide!

  27. Edwin wafula says:

    Serious lack of medula oblongata!

  28. Nas says:

    hehehehe he applied fat on the face and on the shoe

  29. Ronnz says:

    yaaaw this kid needs a beatdown wtf was thaat lmao 🙂

  30. Kanja gibbs says:

    Sympatetic mh tings r there in real lyf !

  31. Kanja gibbs says:

    Sympatetic noma lyf z full of all odds

  32. Mekar karimi says:

    Walahi this so thorough thumps up 4 da kid.but if the teacha had tried harder the boy is kinda brilliant jst dat changaa na busaa imejaa kwa system

  33. Langat weldon says:

    Tis above te standard of nyakimencha,kudos,

  34. martoverminator says:

    I wud have given him 41 out of 40.

  35. alexia says:

    i pity the pupil who wrote that composition,most of it is direct translation from his first language,all pupils should be encouraged to use English as a means of communication.

  36. Timothy mogambi says:

    That is a mazing,but my friend nyagetail there was another one which one was that?kisii proffesionals wake up and do something to safe our name(kisii name)

  37. Emmy Ndagire says:

    is this kid that wrote this composition and hes from Kissi? then i don’t blame him for having bad English, but this composition made my day its do funny. I can’t stop laughing.

    • Emmy Ndagire says:

      It’s meant to be if this kid that wrote this composition from kissi? it won’t late me deleted the other comment

  38. Migalle achieng says:

    Wololo…height of ignorance!

  39. Myrone Niewo says:

    This xactly hw I started,but I never thought i could get an A in English in K.C.P.E.It took me time to realise that we learn from mistake.This pupil is very brilliant and can be an intellectual genius if soriousness is included.
    The pupil’s coposition is well organised: the intro,the body and the conclusion(which includes the lesson the pupil learnt for being late to school)Am sure the pupil will also learn from the mistake in the composition,particularly ‘language’.18/40

  40. seya96 says:

    hehe.tha shit z funny!

  41. Jaber Nyar Luo says:

    I cnt stop readn th part of i opened one eye n left th atha 2 slp abit! Waaat! Lol! 3/40.

  42. Claxon ben prince. says:

    M lOving thz typa cmPositi0n. he mUst b frM thAr lAkesidEz..

  43. Breaniah Ashley says:

    ,Ths so great.dem days when we usd 2 write…i ran as my thin mosquito legs could carry me.when i riched i was flabagastad and bo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  44. walter says:

    Is this a true story or some creativy?anyway it made my day

  45. Chris innocent omare makinda says:

    LOL,@least nyakemincha imetuweka kwa map

  46. Kaume jack says:

    This needs brain surgery.its very urgent fly him out

  47. eddah says:

    the story is told so vividly until i can picture the situation very well.congs its very very interesting- clearly narates my primary school days though in broken english

  48. Mwabwagizo says:

    what a piece of innovation and thinking from the writer..big up man uko juu,as for the kid…arauke kesho

  49. Victor vik says:

    Thiz crazy, now I uderstand why the school z called “Nyakemincha”,the owner of the tail !!!

  50. Victor vik says:

    Thiz crazy, now I uderstand why the school z called “Nyakemincha”,the owner of the tail !!

  51. eve says:

    this student is bright, gotta admit…that’s some funny writing there…

  52. Estar says:

    There is stil hope, haha… We all begin from somewhere

  53. KING KAKA says:

    big black nyaunyo! . heee noma.

  54. KING KAKA says:

    big black nyaunyo! he! he! he! Noma

  55. Roz Rhouzie says:

    Heheheheheh……….wat country z ths again?

  56. benjah g kibui says:

    tat makes my day with painful ribs



  58. I think we should restructure our education system. Its high time things should change.

  59. Diana gitonga says:


  60. steve says:

    i feel you bro !!!!

  61. kemei says:

    Almost breaking my ribs, so funny

  62. Esther Natalie says:

    Ths thing almst chopped off ma ribs lol

  63. mesh rono says:

    Tsis one is very creative..i sat on the aie coz my battocks were hot

  64. sar cyrus says:


  65. Jared okong'o says:

    Well organized tho first lang is evident. Activities have a logical order. Trs pliz help the kind of kids to realize thea potentials. Nurtured well tis can b de vision 2030 comedian. I feel like…wow!

  66. Kathukya says:

    This Kid is Creative. the teacher here is clearly the problem!

  67. Kathukya says:

    In Fact come to think of it this is not Direct Kisii translation… it is direct SHENG translation take for example…
    1. “I ran my everything” = “Nilikimbia yangu Yote”
    2. ” I was beatin the second corner ” = “Nikichapa kona ya mbe”
    3. “My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko” = “Matako zangu daro zilikuwa zinaskia kaa kukalia jiko imeaka”

    Get my Drift… This is very easily a Nairobi Kid…

  68. Joy jovious says:

    Dat kid needs prayer..m sua nt only da kisii r doing it bt several pupils in rural skul..ongeri do smthng abt it

  69. terry says:

    who are we to blame the kid ,the teachers or the parents.

  70. anthony says:

    you can do better with more beating

  71. J. Abdallah says:

    ¤ Excellent. How else would you know you’re in Kenya! ¤

  72. Henry bnda says:

    I thought dat skul wz in ukambani!

  73. Immanuel malo says:


  74. real selak says:

    ha ha ha,what,this compo imenichokesha.r u serious.either our teachers en parents r doing something wrong or the kids nowadays r just too daft.

  75. babieshi says:

    who is to blame????

  76. Joy says:

    Like seriously, one has been in school for 8yrs and that’s what they write?? It’s just hilarious

  77. Jackson gingrich says:

    The young pupil is very creative-in this perspective i can blame the teachers of the school n the parents-coz as i read the composition i could feel the materials,and thoughts of the young writer-it is not easy to fill the whole paper without material and imaginations.-teachers n parents of that school should pull up their socks n roll up their sleeves to uplift ,their education standards.

  78. dee dee says:

    hehehehehehe i have laughed my everything………….

  79. Grace says:


  80. jackline says:

    hehhehehehehhe i cant stop myself from laughing and rereading it

  81. lyn says:

    he he hhe kali!

  82. Carol says:

    For Nakimencha,we blame the namee as the named found the naming names nameses.

  83. dree says:

    8-4-4 … bure kabisaar

  84. Lewis says:

    Iyo ni ungamwe gani????

  85. mugure wahito says:

    Something should be done!!!seriously how will our country grow yet others are ragging behind!!!

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