Am a Kikuyu and I stole this note! Read on…
Where Kikuyus are…… there must be a problem….. and a solution in the making…….. Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said ‘I have to talk to you.
We have some Kikuyus up here and are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Savco jeans instead of their white robes, they’re riding pick up trucks instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discount prices. Furthermore, they refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway hawking their wings!
They have sub-let their mansions and are now living in the SQs. They are even attempting “atiriri” talk over here! I found some attempting to fit a carrier on the chariot for carrying “thaara wa n’gombe “(Napier grass for their cows) on their way from visits! They are even using mpesa to send money to andu aitu (our relatives) in hell.
The Lord said, ‘Kikuyus are Kikuyus. If you want to know about real problems, call the Devil.’ The Devil answered the phone, ‘Hello? Hold on a minute.’ The Devil returned to the phone, ‘OK I’m back. What can I do for you?’ Gabriel replied, ‘I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.’ The Devil said, ‘Hold on again. I need to check on something.’ After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, Im back.. Now what was the question?’ Gabriel said, ‘What kind of problems are you having down there?’ The Devil said, ‘Man I don’t believe this…….Hold on.’ in the background you can hear “ngai!!!” This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes.. The Devil returned and said, ‘I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. Those Kikuyus have put out the fire and are selling me a match box if I want to light the fire again!